On Chesil Beach

WARNING: Do not read this blog if you wish to read /be surprised by the ending of On Chesil Beach by Ian McEwan.

"It remained a paradox to them that so momentous a meeting should have been accidental, so dependent on a hundred minor events and choices. What a terrifying possibility that it might never have happened at all.

"And they had so many plans, giddy plans, heaped up before them in the misty future, as richly tangled as the summer flora of the Dorset coast, and as beautiful. Where and how they would live, who their close friends would be, his job, her career and what to do with money, and how they would not be like other people...

"Edward and Florence's shared sense that one day soon the country would be transformed for the better, that youthful energies were pushing to escape, like steam under pressure, merged with the excitement of their own adventure together.

"She loved cuddling him, and having his arm around her shoulders and being kissed by him... she thought he was original. Unlike anyone she had ever met. He always had a paper back book in his jacket pocket in case he found himself in a queue or a waiting room. None of his socks matched. She adored his curious mind, his mild accent, the strength in his hands, the unpredictable swerves and drifts of his conversation, his kindness to her and the way his soft brown eyes, resting on her when she spoke, made her feel enveloped in a friendly cloud of love, At the age of twenty- two, she had no doubt that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Edward Mayhew. 

"He couldn't help but love someone so strangely and warmly particular, so painfully honest and self-aware, whose every thought and emotion appeared naked to view, streaming like charged particles through her changing expressions and gestures.

"He kissed her and told her she was the squarest person in all of Western civilization.

"But you love me," she said.

"Therefore I love you."

"To love, and set each other free."

On Chesil Beach //Ian McEwan

Through these quotes you can probably see why I so dearly loved 9/10ths of this book. Not only did I absolutely fall in love with each of the characters, but I very clearly saw myself in their whims, their arguments with their parents, his paper back books and her love of classical music. I have the same dreams. I possess the same ignorant gumption. I am very much in love...

I distinctly remember asking my professor if we would like this book. She said that in eight years of teaching, she had not encountered one student who not like this book. 

Not only do I not like this book, I physically threw the book across the room [with horrible aim as tears were streaming down my face] when I finished it. Here is why:

What exactly happened on Chesil Beach: If you are at all squeamish/prefer not reading about sex, please skip down to the next blog.

Edward and Florence have just been married.

They are both virgins about to have sex for the first time. 

Edward is absolutely thrilled, but he has mild anxiety about premature ejaculation. 

Florence is absolutely terrified and would prefer never to even think about sex.

Edward is cautious because he wants to be respectful of the woman he so clearly loves.

Florence is forward because she wants to please the man she so clearly loves.

Edward "arrives too soon"...

... all over Florence.

Florence is completely appalled and runs out of the bedroom, out of the hotel and onto Chesil Beach.

Edward eventually follows her.

He is angry.

She is embarrassed.

Neither of them talk about their feelings.

They are both too proud.

She walks away.

He eventually follows her.

She has left the hotel.

He doesn't follow her.

They never see each other again.

Every time she plays her violin in Wigmore Hall, she looks for him in seat 9c where he promised he would be.  

... and here I am with so many questions. 

Why didn't she stay to work it out?

Why didn't he follow her?

Why couldn't they communicate?

Was it really "love" like we were lead to believe? Is it love when you cannot move past an argument to see how much you truly care about the other person?

Why did Ian McEwan decide to end the book like this? What was he hoping we would take from it? 

Why do I develop semi-harmful parasocial relationships with fictional people? 

Why do we keep reading books where they don't end up together in the end?

I recognize that 50% (or more now according to some statistics) of relationships end in divorce, and I recognize that people love to throw that percentage around... but that means that 50% of relationships DON'T end in divorce!! 

If I were an alien, visiting earth from outer space, and I took this class (Love, Sex & Science) to learn about human love, I would A. not want to ever be in love and B. not want to ever be a human (because what is being a human without love?). 

... why do we only read about people who don't/can't end up together? Is this the inevitable path that love is forced to take? Does it all end badly? Why? 

Where is the hope and the joy and the true love? I know it is not just in Disney movies. I know it is out there. Tell me it is out there. Promise me that love does win in the end.

Why are we here if it doesn't?